Thursday, 20 November 2008

The alternative!!!!

Do you believe pigs can fly? If so read on, we have the perfect thing that no mug can be without........

Baffle and confuse your enemy, have them doubled over and paralysed with laughter, be the first idiot in your country to walk in public with the mighty, ‘Sucker 1’.

We are proud to bring to the market an exciting new concept with cutting edge technology, the all singing all dancing long range drug and explosives detector, the internationally acclaimed, ‘Sucker 1’

Yes we know it’s hard to believe but you really can see things far away with the, ‘Sucker 1’. (Although you won’t see this coming)

Check out our extensive range of attachments.............................

Available at extra cost, of course!!!!

The Direction Indicator, featuring, ‘clip on’ technology......

It doesn’t stop there; we also have available, again with our unique, ‘clip on’ technology,
a fully functioning Global Position Indicator, needs no power, runs on ‘thin air’ technology.
Just when you thought, ‘surely it can’t get any better’, it does, and we also have available
the, ‘pop up clue board’..........

It is pre-programmed with those all essential phrases, ....

He’s behind you’

The bastards got a gun’

Get the fuck out of here, quick’

Your credit is running low; please deposit more cash in our account’
Due to the imminent arrival of the Police and the Fraud Squad, this has to be a once in a lifetime offer, so don’t delay, order today, please fill in the form now........

Yes I am a complete fucking numpty and as corrupt as hell, please rush me,.............Units, @ £100,000 each.
For extra shiny and sparkly ones add, £20,000 per unit.
All accessories @ £10,000 each
Extended 5 minute warranty @£5,000 per unit.
Training available @ £1,000,000 per day plus expenses. (Ask about our unique ‘cash back scheme’).(Don’t forget every order of 20 units or more comes with free, Rolls Royce delivered anywhere in the world)

Name....................(any old bollocks or alias will do)
Address................(irrelevant, but if you must)

Terms and conditions..
1) Strictly boxes of used cash prior to delivery.
2) No questions asked, or answered.
3) No ifs, no buts, no refunds.


Bad Dog said...

Classic, where can I buy one

peter said...

Have just posted this to Jims blog. Says he will not be responding to more comments but I bet he reads it. Come on guys, let's close these c**ksuckers down!!!

Dear Jim,

As one of the people who has been following this saga with great interest please allow me to make the following observations:

1. Anecdotal evidence is no evidence. This is a fundamental scientific principle and vitally important.

2. Of course none of your buyers are going to publicly admit they are wrong when they discover you equipment does not work. That would just expose them to shame and ridicule for having been taken in in the first place.

3. Most if not all the places you sell to are known for being rife with dirty business practices i.e. it appears that you are only prepared to sell where there are very few if any controls or legal sanctions and where it is easy to bribe poorly paid Government officials to buy your equipment. Again, these people are hardly likely to want the spotlight shone on the deals you do with them. Of course, if I am wrong, tell us about sales in Britain, the U.S. Australia, New Zealand, Japan or Western Europe?

4. You have still not answered why independent testing cannot work for your products. Over and over you have claimed this, but have given no legitimate reasons whatsoever. While this remains the case you continue to prove that you are shady and fraudulent.

5. Please believe me when I say that if you can prove your products I will become your biggest fan and supporter. The problem remains though that there is no technical basis on which anyone can understand how these products can work.

6. The fact is that your continued evasion on the matter of testing, regardless of whether JREF is involved or not, and the extremely dubious technical claims you make, mean that we can state with absolute certainty that you are lying and trying to defend the indefensible.

7. You may think that this campaign to expose you will go away if you ignore us. It will not. Because we are in the right we will outlast you. By the way, i suggest you lose some weight. The pressure is building and it will not do your ticker any good if you go round eating and drinking like a pig scoffing at the trough of greed!

8. A friend of mine has discovered your connection with MIRA in Romania (he works there) and this gives us yet another angle of attack. We also know via the Chinese Embassy web piece that you have some connections in China. These are being looked into right now by a U.K. citizen living there and who has much more powerful connections than you will ever have. Do you really think that Senior Police and Army officials who were not involved in corrupt purchasing will be happy to know that they are placing their lives in the hands of equipment that cannot work? I doubt it.

Please believe the word spreading around the globe. You may think you have got away with this but you have not and will not. That's a promise!

Anonymous said...

I've heard that the Sucker 1 works on the principle of electromagneticpositronisotopic simultaneous attraction/repulsion inverted bovine scatology? Is that correct, and if so it must be the best thing since the ADE651 or GT200. Bet they are selling like hot cakes?

Big Rob McVoy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Big Rob McVoy said...

Is there any difference netween the Sucker 1 and the ADE and GT?
They look and claim exactly the same things.

Techowiz said...

Hi Big Rob,

You are right there is no difference, but we believe our equipment represents better value for money (then I would say that wouldn't I?)
Together with the, 'CLIP ON' and 'THIN AIR' technology, we believe we now lead the field in this bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Hi Techowiz,

Please send me 1000 units immediately. I intend to use the Sucker 1 to identify gullible suckers and relieve them of their money. I propose that we work on a results based system whereby I pay in instalments as we discover the gullible suckers and extract their cash with my newly created piece of technology, the money transporter.

The money transporter works like the system they use in that highly educational space travel documentary, Star Trek i.e. it dematerialises the money in a suckers wallet, transports it to us, whereupon it rematerialises.

I think we are onto one hell of a winner here, so look forward to receipt of the Sucker 1 units forthwith and hencetoforth.